A New Kind of ‘What if...’

What if...

...having the right attitude mattered more to me than being certain about making the right choice?

...instead of ruminating and second guessing, I trusted God to show me anything I need to see more clearly?

...I remembered that God is capable of turning my messes into something great?


...after carefully making a decision, I moved on and let God be responsible for the outcome?

...I left it up to Him to do everything perfectly, rather than thinking it’s my job to never make mistakes?

...I fully engaged with my family, rather than being distracted by the thoughts and decisions that can swirl around my mind?

...I considered all the times when God has arranged things so much better than I ever could?

...I trusted Him to figure out the timings, rather than assuming I know best?

...I reflected on the times when I didn’t need to have wise words because God himself showed the other person the way forward?

...I chose to look down on shame, giving it no influence over my decisions, rather than letting the fear of shame control me? (Ooh – I just saw that  ‘Shame Interrupted’ by Edward T. Welch  is available at a very low price on Kindle right now!)

...I followed Corrie Ten Boom’s advice, and chose to Nestle into God rather than Wrestling constantly with various issues?   (I’ve just ordered her book, ‘Just Nestle, Don’t Wrestle’)

...I recognised the times when fear has got hold of me and stopped to apply the above at that time?

I think that would be great.  In fact, I’m going to try it.

A Break, But Not A Rest

We're away from Papua New Guinea (PNG) for 10 months, with no 9-5 job during that time.  I understand why we sometimes get asked whether this is a holiday (or 'vacation', here in the US). 

It certainly is good to have a break from living overseas.  When we're on Home Leave we leave behind (to a large extent) cross-cultural difficulties, security concerns, and limited resources.  We get to visit new places and enjoy the advantages of being in our home cultures. 

We are encouraged to take some holiday/vacation time during our home leave:  Andrew and I were delighted to escape to Edinburgh for a few nights in celebration of our tenth anniversary.  We've loved spending time relaxing with friends and family members.  But I certainly wouldn't describe the whole Home Leave experience as restful.

 
In my experience, Home Leave, mostly, is hard work; there's a lot to figure out.  Here are some of the questions I've been busy pondering this year:

*What will we do about our children's education?
*Who will we get together with, and when?
*What location will we meet these people in?*Which churches are we speaking at?
*What will we say in those churches?         
*What meals will we cook in this country?
*Which visa do I need?
*What clothes shall I wear for speaking in church?
*What kind of clothes do people even wear in this decade?         
*Where do I put my bank card if I want to pay for groceries?         
*What do I do when my child is too anxious to leave my side?         
*What shall we write in our next newsletter?
*What vehicle will we drive?
*How long will it take to get to the place we're going to?
*How many road trips is it realistic for us to make?         
*Is the amount of financial giving to our Wycliffe ministry enough for us to return to PNG?         
*What happens if we are still lacking in financial partnerships when my US visa runs out?
*Why aren't my children falling asleep at night here?
*Where can we go to get medical attention at the weekend?
*How can I best respond when my children are struggling with transition?
*How do I encourage my child to interact politely with new people?
*What clothes and shoes do I need to take with us for our next three-year field term?
*What size shoes might my son be wearing at the age of 12?
*How much should I bid on Ebay for a pair of Crocs?         
*What else should we ship to PNG, that we can't obtain overseas?         
*How do I use this 'Swiffer' mop?
*What's a GIF?
*How do I explain 'nine months' to a three year old who just wants to be back in her own house?         
*What can I do if I forget to take my cash from the cash machine?
*Do I want Cortana to help me?
*Is my UK driving licence valid in this country/state?
*Am I insured to drive this vehicle?         
*Which immunisations do we each need?
*Where will we get vaccinated?
*Where should I meet the person picking me up from the airport?         
*How many photo magnets shall I get printed?
*Which coins do I need to make 85c?
*How do I fill in this form when I don't fit any of the categories mentioned?         
*What is the law concerning child car seats in this country/state?
*Which mobile/cell phone plan do I want?
*When shall we travel back to PNG?
*How many hours should we leave between flights?
*What suitcases will we use in our travel?
*Which toys should we ship/take back/give away?
*How long will it take to pack up and clean our house?

As we've lived in two different countries on home leave, many of these questions have had to be answered at least twice!

Home Leave has been good, but it hasn't been easy.  It's been great to have a break from our work overseas.  But now I'm looking forward to being back in our own house, and settling into a normal routine.

The uncertainty raised by some of these questions has been a huge challenge for me, but God's provision has been incredible.  Time and time again I've had to surrender my desires and plans to God, rather than trying to control circumstances myself.  This has been especially true with regard to financial matters.  The increase that we needed to see in our financial partnerships was way beyond anything I could achieve in my own efforts.  I had to admit that our future plans, whether or not they involved a return to PNG, are completely in God's hands. 

But he does seem to be leading us back there.  It's amazing to see God provide all that we need to go back to PNG.   The stories of how he has brought us together with those who were looking to give monthly towards a Wycliffe ministry are so much more creative than anything I could have come up with! 

Just because we have nearly reached our financial goal, it doesn't mean I can stop surrendering control to God; there are so many areas where I still need to do this.  Especially with travel coming up, I need to continue to trust God in the details.  I can't do anything to guarantee that our trip will go smoothly but I know that we're in the best hands.  I'm not in control; and that's a good thing.

(Thanks to my Mum, Jenny Noble, for the pictures)

I Hate to Wait!

We now have tickets for our furlough travels next year.  Now that they are in hand I'm wondering why the process of purchasing them was so excruciating for me! 

It took seven weeks from sending my initial email of enquiry until the day the tickets arrived in my inbox.  For someone who hates to wait, that's a long time!  (If you're wondering why it took so long, it's partly that there are many factors to consider when visiting people on three different continents, and when paying for the tickets involves three different currencies.)

Of all the painful and stressful events in the world, why was I letting the small issue of waiting for plane tickets become such a big factor in my life?  Why do I find waiting so hard anyway?  I know that my inattentive/impulsive tendencies are a factor but what is it specifically that makes waiting such a big deal for me?



© User:Lokshen3ace / Wikimedia Commons / CC-BY-SA-3.0


I don't know if I got them all, but I sat and listed the things that can make waiting so difficult:

*Fear that something will 'run out'.  This could be cheaper tickets, or the time I have left before I have to be somewhere.

*Fear that the thing I'm waiting for will never happen.  This fear is often irrational: the chance that a bus will never come, or that we'll never get tickets is pretty remote!

*Fear of something going wrong that will delay the waiting further.  In the case of the tickets, one fear was there would be a problem with the payment method.

*Annoyance because of wanting my time to be used more efficiently. 

In some cases I have no idea why I don't like waiting.  Even if I'm not feeling hungry, I impatiently wait for the trolley carrying meals on a plane to slowly trundle my way.  I don't know why it's stressful for me to sit waiting for an event to start even when I have friends to chat to, when it wouldn't be at all stressful to be talking to those same friends in a non-waiting situation.  Perhaps stopping to remind myself that it isn't actually a problem if I have to wait a bit longer will be helpful in future :-)

Early on in the process of buying the tickets, I read Paul Tripp's blog post about the good things that can come out of waiting.  I was challenged to deal with the difficulties of waiting in a more positive way.

Over those seven weeks of waiting, I discovered that the antidote to my hatred of waiting was Trust.  Over and over again I had to choose Trust:

I needed to Trust that God is our provider.

I needed to Trust God to work out the details, even if I made mistakes along the way.

I needed to Trust in God's timing.

Several times I surrendered the whole thing to Him, placing all the arrangements in his hands. 

And on various occasions I saw that leaving it with him yielded much better results.

As I was waiting for news that payment had gone through, I had a thought: What if it turned out to be better that things were taking so long?  What if we even managed to get cheaper tickets because of waiting to purchase them until a particular date?   That same afternoon, I got an email from the travel agent informing me about a new type of fare that had only just been released; I discovered we could save a substantial amount of money by choosing this new fare!

Yes, I really do need to Trust in God's timing!

The waiting for tickets is over but I know that as we make arrangements for our upcoming trip, and as we set off on numerous journeys, I'll have plenty of opportunities to put into practice the concept of waiting well.